It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
