Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
