how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
