i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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