You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
