if i can run in heels then i can drive
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
