Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
