There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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