Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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