Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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