Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
