is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
