I'm jealous of your bromance
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
