apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
