what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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