have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
