Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
