she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
