the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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