Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
