is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
be right there i have to get my cape
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
