Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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