What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
