does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
