i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
