How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
