so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Oh god it's open bar.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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