Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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