Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
