Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
