In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
