You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
