Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I love having hate sex.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
