& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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