Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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