This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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