Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
