o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
