You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
