some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
