yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
