Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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