Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
