Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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