Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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