sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
