If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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