It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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