Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
