This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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