I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
