I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
