If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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